My Moment of Self-Realization

Picture this. I am sitting on a chicken bus sandwiched between an indigenous woman who is staring at me and a man with his crotch in my face. I'm tightly gripping my bag with one hand, while trying to avoid the private man area that is rubbing against my arm (literally we were so close that I could feel things that no poor gringa should have to feel). The woman sitting next to me is pretending not to be obsessed with how weird I look to her and the ayudante is crawling over people/seats to collect the four quetzales it costs to get back to Sumpango. The bus is filled to capacity (which here in Guatemala pretty much means there are people hanging out of the doors and windows). The traffic is heinous because it is Friday afternoon in Chimaltenango and everyone is trying to get home. I put in my headphones to avoid listening to Top Gun's "Take My Breath Away" in Spanish (which is blasting through the bus speakers) and I opt to listen to the playlist on my ipod that is labeled "Alabama". John Mellencamp's "Hurt So Good" starts clicking along in my ears. As I am sitting there surrounded by things so completely foreign to me, I start to feel this sense of peace. I smile to myself as I watch Guatemala pass by me through the window. The dirty streets, the hodgepodge of people, the street dogs and the food vendors. I start smiling like a fool. I'm sure the lady sitting next to me is thinking I am just another loco white person with crazy blue eyes, but I don't care.

I came to a realization as I sat there. I am finally not waiting on something. I am not wondering when my life will start. I am not questioning my future or hoping my next big break is on its way. Contentment. I am in a place where I am happy to just be doing what I'm doing. I live in Guatemala. I work in Guatemala. I am learning the language and the culture. I am becoming a part of this country. Every day is a different experience and a brand new adventure. I am going to bring about change if only in a small way. I have started a new life here and I am grabbing every opportunity to learn. Satisfaction. It is a new concept for me. Being still. It is a new way of life. And there is no better place to realize this than on a cramped chicken bus going seventy miles an hour around a sharp curve. Who doesn't contemplate their life on a chicken bus?