Calling vs. Passion

The other day, Kurt and I were sitting at breakfast when he looked at me and said "There are two sides to you. This side that loves photography and writing and then there is this other side. The social work side." It got me thinking about the difference between a passion and a calling. I don't know which is worse: to follow your calling but have no passion or to know your passion, reject it and still follow your calling. I know what you are thinking...if it is your true calling, you will be passionate about it. But I am just not sure.

I have always felt a draw towards the field of social work and the innate need to help other people in our horribly broken world. Yes, that sounds like I am tooting my own horn, but trust me, that isn't my intention. I just believe that in a world full of screw-ups and misfits, I was blessed with what I would considered a semi-normal life with a caring, loving family. I am privileged and blessed. And this overwhelming amount of fortune I have received has influenced me to take what I have and do something for our world. It isn't noble. It isn't self-sacrificing. It is just what I consider right and necessary. Kind of like Batman...but I am definitely not as cool. No sweet black mask or crazy ninja moves. (Sorry, I just watched the Dark Knight on my computer and it was awesome.) Anyway, so here I am with a degree in social work, living in Guatemala and trying to help some kids wash their hands. And I love it. That is my social work side.

Then there is the flip side to the complex coin that is my life. My passion for photography and my love to write. I spend countless hours scribbling in my journal and creating my (if I do say so myself) witty blogs. I take my photography so seriously that I would not even dream of putting an unedited photo on facebook. Embarrassing, but true. It is something I take pride in and it makes me happy. My dream would be to travel the world photographing everything and writing about what I see. But is that just a pipe dream? Or do I just lack the confidence to make it happen?

I always hear..."when are you going to settle down? I'm sure once you get home, it will only be a week before you leave on another adventure." I guess some would consider me flighty and indecisive. I prefer terms like spontaneous and unpredictable. I'm a wanderer. I am on a constant search for what direction my life is going. My days consist of an internal battle between passion and calling, that has yet to be solved. So what do I do after the Peace Corps? Write? Help? Photograph other people helping? Make a profession out of social work and a hobby of photography? Or vice versa?

So there are my deep thoughts for the day. Overwhelming huh? I realize that life is nothing but a mixture of missteps, the right/wrong choices and trying to figure it all out somewhere in the middle. But I am 23 and this is the stuff those of us in our twenties think about. What am I doing with my life? Where am I going? How will I get there? When is it all going to start? Blah blah. Guess I will take some advice from Buddha and just try to live in the present...for now.

P.S. I realize this blog has absolutely nothing to do with Guatemala. So here is a Guatemalan fun fact of the day: I bought a huge watermelon in the market today for 9 quetzales. That is a little more than a dollar. I love the market.